Things That Work When You're Two

• Introducing yourself by showing people your belly.
• Introducing yourself by showing people your underwear.
• Saying "I'm poopy" gets you out of going to bed.
• Not eating lettuce because "it's too spicy", as is apple juice when what you want is lemonade.
  
• Eating Flamin' Hot Lay's Potato Chips because "it's good!"
• Having the courage of your convictions when faced with improper underwear choices. Spider Man works better than The Hulk.
• Saying "I want to go eat with the People" is not taken as a Marxist declaration about breaking bread with the proletariat. It means you want to go to Chipotle.
• Knowing full well that the proper name for baked and frosted confections is "birthday cake," regardless of the occasion.
• You thank the dog after giving him kibble. Hey, someone has to say thank you.
• One of the funniest jokes in the world is having your best friend in the car with you in his own car seat.
• Song lyrics are fluid things. This may be genetic, as Lorraine also suffers from this condition: "Hush Little Baby" does not contain an offer of "Schnauzer pie."